birdswii

I haven't drawn much lately.

Okay, yes, technically I have. I just..either dont finish it to the level i'd feel comfortable posting on here...or..i..forget to post it.


Part of the reason is I am very rarely on DA much anymore. This is partly due to being on tumblr FAR more often, but also because ..like.. 90% of the art on this DA is KHR related and..well I don't draw it..really..at all anymore. I may at some point lapse back into a khr mood, and I may draw for it (actually I can pretty much promise I will, i tend to make...cycles with fandoms.)

SOO for the time  being, since I'm not on here much anymore

historicallyinnacurate.tumblr.…

This is my tumblr. technically one I opened just a couple days ago. I have another, but it's more..my personal cave where I just look at posts and never comment and never reblog.

This one is my..interactive..rebloggy...where I will be posting more arts and scribbles n shit. for fandoms I have. (I've tried to make a fandom/art blog before but i forgot where I put it soooo whoopsy)

So go follow me. If you only like me for khr weeeell i don't think it'll come up much. if you like me, or my art or any of my other fandoms thenn..flllyyy little birdies.



I am in no way deleting this account or even becoming 100% inactive. . the only time I would ever delete an account is...never actually. I don't like removing things i've done, even if i'm not as proud of them as I once was.
Website fads come and go. DA was is for awhile, tumblr is for the time being, maybe some day it will be here again..but for now..Go follow me on tumblr. (so far I have like no posts and the ones I did make are 90% k related. sooooooo yeah.)

Let's just start this off with a quick, I'm old. Well, not technically...or...mentally..or...emotionally. but to some of my followers i'm....old.
So.
I watched the movie Neon Genesis Evangelion Rebuild 3.33 You Can (not) Redo.
Which...screw you whoever named any of that.

So, when the original NGE came out I was like. 5. (1995 I think was the release date and the helpful thing about being born on a 0 year is I can pretty quickly remember how old I was at any given date.)
I didn't watch it until I was..idk..12-14?
Personally, never a huge fan. Some aspects were very very interesting and it recreated its own genre.
A good portion of it, in my opinion, was the creator trying to use christian symbolism as a way to be edgy ...and old Freudian psychology that hasn't been true..ever.

But I always liked Kaworu. Before I liked yaoi/slash/bl, I liked Kaworu and Shinji.
emotionally troubled lad and vaguely homoerotic angel did not start with Dean and Cas.
So ..i've been kind of reluctantly tugging along with the NGE plot lines even the ones that made me just throw up my hands and ask 'what the shit did i just watch'
...But...3.0 focusing more on Kaworu...I just..I had to watch it.
It didn't really fix any of my screaming angst, and gave more reason for me to....just..nonstop yell into a pillow.


....
Basically this is my warning that i'm having serious NGE feels right now, so if I art..it.will probably be that...for...awhile.

Okay, to get any sad journal posts out of the way ...I decided on..writing this little.thing...here.

I've been thinking recently about how people view me. How I thought people viewed me, and how i'm starting to think I was wrong.

I'm just wondering how everyone THINKS people view them as, too.
And I mean this in a ...like really stop and think about it. I'm not saying you have to CARE how others see you, but just if you've noticed....what do you notice..or has it ever changed?

Would you like to be seen differently?

----- you don't have to read this, since it is ...quite long. I'm just mentioning instances that have led me to believe i'm looked at a bit differently than I thought I was.

I always kind of figured people DIDN'T view me...as..anything. I thought I was more of that person that was just. there. or a ghost. Maybe one or two people didn't think so, but for the most part..that was who I am..was.

But after reminiscing with my best bud, I'm starting to think how I was viewed is...a bit different.

So a little back story, I moved to my home state when I was 5, and then started the 1st grade..at..some point. My school went same teacher grade 1-2 switch 3-4 switch 5-6. Then  middle school which was ONLY 7th and 8th grade. (I also never ever ever had lockers in my life.) I wasn't in public highschool long enough to get a good grasp on the way it worked, but we were split up into 4 halls...Hogwarts-esque with our own little bias'. (I was in..something or other hall, which was basically the shittiest of the school with all the underachievers/idiots/rowdy kids :'D)

 My memory is a bit ..iffy here..so in first grade I was in an..experimental class. I was in a portable, with a bunch of other kids that were handpicked to be in the teachers. The teacher herself was new and ...HORRIBLE at dealing with children, specially when the teachers had picked all the most annoying kids to stick in the new class. and the quietest girls. I have no idea why. But after a year basically it all imploded and the class dissolved, the teacher quit and all the students were sent to other classes.
So I ended up essentially a transfer student IN MY OWN SCHOOL.

In the second grade, I met my current best friend. She mentioned how she remembered me transferring to the class.
The teacher asked me to introduce myself.
I didn't say anything.

So, good start there. (I could also go into a lengthy rant about how that particular teacher was terrible and literally didn't like children and was gone half the year.)
Anyway...3rd and 4th were kind of a blur...A LOT of shit was going down in my personal home life..school life was fairly unremarkable at first until I started showing the effects of my homelife problems..so. in 4th grade I lost both of my closest friends at the time. Ones opinion was I was too needy. The others opinion was I was too cold and unsociable. (the last one I became acquaintances with again later and I'm on good terms with.)

In 5th grade I befriended some girls, and at one point ..I...stood up in the middle of a conversation and ...just left. nothing said. just. got up and walked away. Needless to say I was not friends with them anymore and we had a bit of an antagonistic relationship with a few of them.
Then I forcibly befriended my current best friend. ( dont ask. its a long tale of almost-stalking)


In middle school, there..were..a....number of incidents.
One time I scared a girl who was giving me a candy, just by staring at her.
I told a few boys they were jackasses. (oddly enough the liked me better AFTER that.)
I spent an entire party sitting on a couch glaring at people (which again made a few boys like me better which will always confuse me)
One time a girl who was a bit of a bitch was joking about something and grabbed my arm and dug in her nails...accidentally. and then asked if it hurt. I said no. so she did it again. until my arm started bleeding. I never flinched or said anything. just shrugged....annnnd went up on stage for our choir concert to the point the entire first row could probably see my bleeding arm.

A teacher coined the phrase 'that *lastname* glare'...about me. ...i'm not using my actual last name, but ..just picture it. I didn't honestly think I glared that much..I more just...looked at things with boredom. It was more -_-  not... >:I

I have been asked multiple times in my life if I was goth, even when wearing absolutely no black anywhere in my outfit.
People in general will not ask me things even if theyre having a problem. They do the..nervous laugh/smile and look away.

A man once remarked I would probably be safe from anyone trying to rape me, because and I quote "wouldnt want to start shit with you" ...as in...youre scary enough no one would even want to try and rape you, out of fear.


So.................after all of that. I have to wonder.


Do I scare people? Am I not the shy/ghost kid I thought I was for so much of my life. Am I threatening to people?


I really don't know.


So yeah. How do you think people see you?

I'm sure you know why i'm asking.

I hope everyone's family and friends are safe, whether you're in Boston or Iraq.
Stay safe, take care.

ようこそみんな！
ow okay sorry don't kill me.

Okay, sup. Lets cover this shit.
I tend to go through phases of WATCH ALL THE ANIME. and DONT WATCH ANY FOR MONTHS. This is a ...watch all of it mood. And of course it just so happens to coincide with the start of a bunch of new spring animes.
For warning, just because I am watching now does not mean I will finish it, or watch it weekly and promptly. Even series I do like. (._. i still havent finished psycho-pass)

New Anime!
Karneval: It's like Kuroshitsuji, K, Kingdom Hearts and ...d-grayman or something, all had a baby. It is pretty, and there is a bunch of very familiar seiyuu. (seriously daisuke ono, do you have it in your contract that you have to show up within the first 5 minutes of any new series?)
I say all that, but so far I don't feel that IMUSTHAVEMORE hook. I'll keep watching, but the first episode made me kind of sit there and think 'what the shit just happened' and not in a good way. not a oooh mysterious way, a no seriously what was any of that. But hell, cute guys, good cast, pretty shiny sparkle art. I'll probably enjoy it more later.

Devil Survivor 2: I actually like it? I'm not sure where they're going with some of it, but it seems kind of interesting. I was more excited to see a new episode of it than Karneval, tbh. This was more that 'what is happening I must know more' feeling. I'm not writing much here because I honestly don't know what the fuck is happening in it, but its interesting to me so check it out.

Arata Kangatari: I HAVE SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS. Okay, so, I'm not new to Yuu Watase. Fushigi Yuugi was one of my first animes ...as was it for many many people. Yuu Watase takes good ideas, and then doesn't know where to take them. Which usually ends in TERRIBLE romance and character death for no apparent reason. Seriously will some one please tell her than getting a crush on someone DOES NOT EQUAL CHARACTER GROWTH. She has terrible female characters. (Nuriko seemed good. but then he turned out to be male. soooo) I hate to say it, but she really really has terrible female characters and as soon as the male falls in love, he turns to crap too. Again, does not equal character growth. So I see Arata Kangatari and think 'holy hell this is fushigi yuugi with dudes.' And..it..kind of is, but it has that initial hook that makes you want to keep watching. Though if it is anything like FY it'll have me gnashing my teeth by the end.

Attack on Titan: You have probably heard people talking about this one. And with good reason. It is good. It is suspenseful. it is CREEPY AS WHAT OH MY GOD WHY. And so far, I've not seen a huge devision between male and female viewers...animes lately have been VERY centered at their own target audiences, in terms of throwing in fanservice when they dont need to. (this applies to shows I like even. alls fair here. I love K, it exists to make fujoshi squee.)
Titan is just. it's like a good novel, and even better because you don't have to actually read it. Fair warning though, there are man-eating giants in it. and it can be pretty disturbing to some viewers. so. yeah go watch it.

I'll give a shout out to Aku no Hana for actually having characters that look almost like Japanese human beings. The plots a bit ehhh for my taste, but yeah.


ALSO OH RIGHT ANIME MIRAI 2013. Little Witch Academia and Death Billiards were both amaaazzzinnng so watch those. theyre only a half hour and the stories and animation are amazing so do it. do it now. right now. NOOOOW

...old anime i'm getting around to watching

I am watching Magi still, not..weekly sometimes but, I am watching. i like the characters and the story and everything but for some reason I just can't get hugely into it. But I could totally still write you an essay on why Morgiana is a badass.
tiger and bunny. i'm doin it for the gay. I'm not sorry. (actually the storyline is interesting too, I just like the gay more)
UtaPri ....again, doin it for the gay.
....................
(..this...is my most guilty admitance......Baka Test. I...really. i'm sorry. It's like 70%fanservice for guys and 50% for girls. Yes, that doesnt equal up, but there is some crossover in the fanservice. There is absolutely no plot of worth. It is just idiots, girls with big(orsmall)boobs........and..heres the part i'm watching so. ..oh so much crossdressing.
I have never seen an anime so happy about putting pretty much all of their male leads in skirts and dresses. especially one that LOOKS like it should be a general aimed at pervy guys.)

Okay so TV shows? I can't think of many right now besides Hannibal, which if you like that kinda thing go ahead. I'm not a huge crime-show fan, but it is interesting. It is also very ...no holds bar. You will see a girl get her throat slashed in the very first episode, and it is  one of the tamer things in it.
umm I need to see the last Game of Thrones, but I am watching even though sometimes it makes me want to claw my eyes out.


Whenever I write these I feel like it makes me seem like all I do is sit at home and watch anime ._. i really don't. ....except when I do.

(also a shout out to my BFF who got me a pretty ring for ..reasons? just kind of out of nowhere, but it was super sweet so yeah. also she said my hair color was halfway between misaki and mikoto so YES. TARGET ACHIEVED.)